Wednesday, March 29, 2017

It's Been a Year

A year ago this month we starting trying to get pregnant. All the doubt and anxiety of trying to get pregnant came rushing back. I was really hoping it wouldn't take us a year, because we wanted our kids close in age, so we decided to go ahead and start trying. My health was much better, my thyroid levels were better, and my body had already been through pregnancy so we were hopeful it would be easier this time around. After 3 months of trying, I was getting worried, but I knew that it was normal to take 3-6 months to get pregnant.
I visited family in Arizona in July, and at that time, I was fairly certain I was pregnant, but not 100% sure. Which would mean it only took us 4 months to get pregnant. I decided to wait until I got back to South Carolina to take a test. I was 4 days late and took a test, it was positive. We were pregnant!

Now here we are... a year later, no baby, and not pregnant. I have a lot of mixed feelings. I'm sad that we are not a family of 4 yet. I'm happy to not be 9 months pregnant with a toddler that runs everywhere and is still in diapers. I'm confused as to why we still aren't pregnant, and why we lost the last baby. I'm stressed that we are running out of time to get pregnant before Cameron leaves on deployment. And I don't understand why it has to be so hard to get pregnant.

All these questions and concerns run through my mind with not a clear answer. All I can do is trust. Trust in the Lord's timing. Trust that He knows what is best for our family, and trust that through this trial and heartache, blessings will come.

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster though. One day I'm fine, I'm happy, I accept what is happening. Other times I'm angry, sad and bitter that that sweet baby was taken from us.

This month also marks my due date for my last pregnancy. I was dreading this month. I was hoping to already be pregnant again so that this month would turn into a happy one, but we're not. And it's a relief to finally be putting this month behind me. To move forward with a better attitude, and trust once again.

Monday, October 31, 2016

Miscarriage Update

At our 2 week check-up, my Dr notcied there was still some embryonic stuff still in my uterus. He suggested a D&C, and I instantly panicked. The thought of having to do a D&C terrifies me. So he told me he was going to give me one more week to try and pass everything on my own. He also did a blood test that day, and said that my HCG levels were still high for someone who just miscarried.
I was already coping with the loss, but it just felt like it was dragging on. I wanted to move past this and start trying to get pregnant again. And as if that wasn't all enough, my Dr also found a cyst. He wasn't really concerned with it, but it was my first (as far as I knew), so it worried me. 
We went in the following week and we have finally passed all the embryonic stuff, which was a huge relief, but the cyst had nearly doubled in size. My Dr went ahead and gave us the ok to start tryiing to get pregnant again, but he was now concerned with the cyst. He wanted to give my body a chance to get rid of it on its own, so he wanted to see me back in 2 weeks. If the cyst measures 10 cm or more, then they will perform surgery to remove it. 
I am terrified, but I actually have peace in my heart, because I know that Heavenly Father is watching over us. This has been a rough month for our family, but it is making us stronger. And I'm so grateful that Cameron is a worthy priesthood holder. I asked him to give me a blessing after our last appointment. 
As I said in my last blog post, Waylon has made this process much easier on us. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sad every time I see my friend's pregnancy progress on Facebook and Instagram. But I know that we'll get pregnant again, and be able to bring another sweet baby into our family.

Nov. 1st: We had our check-up and the cyst hadn't really grown, so they are just going to leave it, and let us try and get pregnant. It will either go away on it's own in 6-8 weeks, go away once we get pregnant, it could rupture, or if it's still there when we go to deliver the next baby, it will go away with delivery. So hopefully it will go away, and we are free to move forward  and try to get pregnant! Yay!

Thursday, September 22, 2016

We had a miscarriage, and it's ok..

After struggling for a year to get pregnant with Waylon, we decided to get an early start with baby #2. So March 2016 we started trying, and as of July 6th 2016, I was pregnant!
We were so thrilled that it happened quickly this time and that our kids would be close in age.
We went in for an ultrasound at 7 weeks and 5 days, and we got to hear the heartbeat and see little twitches and movements from our sweet baby. They found some fluid outside of the sac, and based on the look of the ultrasound tech, it wasn't good. But she said to expect some spotting and not to worry, but she did want to see us back in 2 weeks for another ultrasound. I did have some very, very light spotting a couple days later, but it was to be expected. We found out the next week that we would be moving to Washington the week of the ultrasound. So I was a little nervous but there was nothing I could do about it.
Once we got to Washington, I made an appointment as soon as I could to do an ultrasound and make sure the fluid was gone, and that our baby was ok.
On Wednesday Sept 21st, 2016 we had the ultrasound. They tried to do the ultrasound from the outside, and I noticed that it was rather hard to see a baby, and the tech said that she was having a hard time getting a heartbeat. So they did a vaginal ultrasound and I saw that my uterus had grown like there was a 12 week baby in there, but there was only a petite 8 week baby with no heartbeat, and no movement. We were absolutely heartbroken. And there were all kinds of emotions that we were feeling. The ultrasound tech was so nice and so comforting. She told us that we didn't do anything to cause this, and not to get caught up in the negative thoughts. We took comfort in knowing that we are sealed to that sweet baby forever and we will meet again someday. And already having Waylon definitely made it easier to cope with this loss. Because we lost the baby early on, we didn't have to have a D&C as long as I passed everything.
We've had an outpouring of love and support from friends and family. I've had many friends reach out to me to offer support and advice to keep from getting depressed. And my sister and her husband sent us some beautiful flowers. And we can't thank everyone enough for that.

Saturday, July 30, 2016

Waylon is 1!!!

I can't believe our sweet baby boy is one!!!
This year has flown by so fast and I have loved every minute of being his mommy! He was such a good baby from the beginning. He only fussed when he needed a diaper change, or when he was hungry. He slept very well at night, and he was so easy to please. It's been such an amazing experience watching him grow and learn.
 He got to have a Cars themed birthday party this year because he absolutely loves that movie! He even has a Cars chair that we took all his monthly pictures in, and my dad got him light up Lightning McQueen shoes! 
His best friend is Jaylee, a cute little girl that we call his girlfriend. He loved spending time with her and all the other kids his age.
Happy birthday to our sweet Waylon!!!

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

It's the little things..

It's not very often that we get to do Family Home Evening together. And when we do, it's sometimes a last minute thought. We are trying to get better about setting aside time together as a family each day and that gets hard with Cameron's schedule, but I have a hard time remembering to do it, even if it's just Waylon and I. 
But tonight, after Waylon's bath, Cameron suggested we read Waylon a bedtime story, so we gathered in Waylon's room and Cameron found short stories on the Gospel Library app. As Cameron was reading I teared up a little at the beautiful view I had. My heart was full looking at my beautiful family. It was so nice to take the time away from media and away from the world to invite the spirit into our home.
I am so blessed to have Cameron and Waylon. They bring me so much joy! It's these small moments that help me to see the bigger picture and make me realize that they truly are all I need. When I'm having a rough day, I look at my beautiful family and the world disappears. Heavenly Father truly knows us and what we need, and tonight my cup is very full.

Friday, February 5, 2016

Waylon - 6 Months old

Wow, I can't believe how fast 6 months has come and gone. Our little moose is half way to a year! It feels like it was just last week that we were bringing him home from the hospital.
He is so much fun right now, and it's fascinating to see him learning and growing. Since he was 2 weeks old he's been able to hold his head up, which was a big sign to us that he would be quick learner. 
He can roll over and turn in a circle to get what he wants. He is now able to sit up on his own which my back is very grateful for, and it has made grocery trips much easier. He said his first word 5 days ago, which was mom!! Now along with his baby babble he says mom and momma, and it melts my heart every time. We try to get him to say dada but he just smiles when you say it.
It's so fun to see his personality showing more and more each day. I feel like I get a small glimpse into the kind of person he will grow up to be. He is so strong! He has some of the strongest legs I have seen a baby his age have. We have an excersaucer that he absolutely loves to bounce in. He absolutely loves mom & dad, and he smiles at everyone he meets.

He has a tooth coming in! It's coming through his gums, but it hasn't quite cut through yet. And he has RED HAIR!? I never EVER thought I would have a child with red hair, and to our surprise, Waylon has red hair. Cameron's grandmother has a mom and 3 sisters with red hair, so that's where he got it from, but no one else in our family has red hair. It's pretty red so it's 50/50 whether it'll stay that way or get darker as he gets older. But it shocked Cameron and I both! haha
He loves when Cameron comes home! I'll be feeding him and he can hear anyone's voice and he won't budge, but as soon as he hears Cameron, he instantly looks around for him. He is definitely a momma's boy, but he sure does love his daddy!
He's also interacting with Daisy more. She gives him her toy and they'll play a little tug-o-war. She is so gentle with him, even when he grabs and pulls her beard haha 
He loves watching Cars and Toy Story, and football on Sundays.
He weighs 18 lbs., and is 27.5 inches long

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Waylon's Baby Blessing/ Dad's visit

This weekend was AMAZING! My parents are really good at surprising me.. because my dad came out for Waylon's baby blessing!!! He got in Friday night a little before midnight. 
Cameron had told me earlier on Friday that we had to pick up his 'friend' from the airport a little after 11.  Well, around 9 PM, I decided that since Waylon was sleeping, that I'd get a little nap in myself. 11 o'clock rolls around and Cameron comes to wake me up. I was so exhausted I told him to go without Waylon and I. He said he really wanted his 'friend' to meet Waylon and bribed me with a milkshake. So we start heading to the airport and Waylon starts crying because he's hungry and got woken up from his nap. We had to stop in the cell phone lot before picking up Cameron's 'friend' so I could nurse Waylon. After that, we start pulling up to the front of the airport and I see a guy with a cardboard sign. In my mind I was thinking "Who's this guy with a sign expecting to get a ride from someone?" As we get closer I see that it's my dad!! I was so shocked, I started crying! His sign read "Help! Need ride to Waylon's baby blessing.." I hadn't seen my dad in over a year so I was so excited that he was able to take the time to come see us for a few short days. 
On Saturday, we packed in all the sight seeing. First we went to the beach to walk around and throw the frisbee back and forth. The weather was perfect and the water was fairly warm. Then we headed to Tattooed Moose for some yummy Duck Club Sandwiches and pinball challenge between Cameron and my dad. Next, we drove through Downtown Charleston to see the historic buildings and scenery. We also, walked through a park and from faraway, got a look at Fort Sumpter.
Sunday was Waylon's baby blessing! Cameron got to bless our sweet Waylon and my dad was able to be a part of it. It was a very tender and very special moment. I've dreamt of that day for a long time and having my dad be a part of it made it extra special. After church, we took my dad to go see Charlie. He's the 13 foot alligator that lives on base here. He's lives inside a caged pond with other little alligators.
Sunday was also bittersweet because my dad flew back home later that day.
We had such a great time with my dad here. I'm so grateful that he was able to come out here and share this special moment with us! Being away from your family, you really learn to cherish the time with them however small that may be.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Labor and Delivery

Tuesday July 28th:
I had a Dr's appointment to check on my progress. At this point I was 40 weeks and 3 days. The first thing my Dr said when she came in the room was " I can't believe you're still pregnant". So we talked to her about getting induced and she was more than happy to help us out with that! She cautioned that we could schedule an induction date, but if other girls come in and there are no rooms available, then we would get bumped to another time or day. One of the nurses was calling the hospital to see when we could be induced. To our surprise, they scheduled us for 6:00 AM the next morning!!! We were beyond excited because the 29th happens to be Cameron's Dad's and Grandad's birthday!! That night we hardly slept because we were so excited to meet our little boy.

Wednesday July 29th:
We were up by 4:00 AM and at the hospital by 5:30 AM. We were waiting to see if they had a room available and they did! We were so excited because we were officially admitted to the hospital to have our baby! We were lucky we got there when we did because within a few hours every delivery room was full! We got set up in our room and they start me with an IV. When they tried to put the needle in my left wrist, they hit a valve in my vein and I had started to pass out. They let me calm down and they put the IV in my right hand. They immediately started me on Pitocin to help regulate and speed up my contractions. I was dilated to 3 and 80% effaced, which they said was a good start because most women that get induced start at 0. Luckily my mom was able to fly in from Arizona in time to be there whenever Waylon decided to make his arrival.
By 8:00 AM I was dilated to 6, and Dr Cook, my OB, said that we would most likely have Waylon here before the end of the day. 
The contractions started to get more intense and more painful, so they had the anesthesiologist come in and give me the epidural, which honestly wasn't painful to get at all. Soon my legs went numb, and I could still feel the pressure of my contractions but they weren't nearly as painful as they were. Once I was numb, they broke my water. At 11:00 PM I was finally dilated to 9 with just a small part of my cervix still in the way. 

Thursday July 30th:
Around 12:15 AM it was time to start pushing! An hour later the nurse noticed Waylon's heartbeat started to drop and she had me turn on my side to help calm him down, luckily it helped and we were able to keep pushing. Another hour later I was still pushing. I was starting to get frustrated and I was extremely tired. I was falling asleep in-between pushes and I was thinking I didn't have the strength or endurance to get our little man here. That's when the nurse brought in the mirror. I didn't want it because it was just another thing to think about, but it honestly helped to see my progress and to see Waylon starting to crown. Once his head had crowned my body just took over and kept pushing. I felt a pop, which I thought was my hip, and I remember looking at the Dr and asking if my hip had just broke, but she just looked at me and said 'Keep Pushing'. I gave one last push and I felt the Dr pull him out. I had my eyes closed while pushing and when I felt him come out I was so shocked by the feeling I opened my eyes really quickly to see our big baby boy, and my first thought was " He is so big, there is no way I just pushed him out!" Luckily, I only had to get one stitch because I hardly tore.
During the pushes the nurses noticed some Meconium coming out and knew that there was a chance that Waylon had some in his lungs. So as soon as he came out they placed him on my stomach, Cameron cut the cord, and they whisked him away to have his lungs vacuumed out. It all happened so fast, I didn't get to see Cameron cut the cord. They cleaned up Waylon and weighed him and when they announced that he was 9 lbs 6 oz, everyone in the room was shocked and couldn't believe that I had just delivered a 9 lb, almost 9.5 lb baby! After that, they quickly did skin to skin with Waylon and I, and then they took him off to the nursery to be observed. 
The nurses noticed that Waylon's breathing would pick up very quickly if anyone moved him. He would have 120 Breaths Per Min, instead of the normal 60 BPM. So even when we did go see him in the nursery a few moments later, we weren't allowed to hold him. This was a very hard time for Cameron and I because we just wanted to be with our baby boy. They kept Waylon in the nursery for 30 hours, and every 3 hours I was in there to nurse him, the rest of the time I was supposed to be resting, but that was extremely difficult to do knowing we couldn't be with Waylon.
All day Thursday any nurse we saw would say "You delivered that 9 pounder?" , "You're the one with the toddler in the nursery??" , "That baby came out of you??". I was pretty famous on the labor and delivery floor for having the biggest baby in the nursery.

Friday July 31st:
I knew I was getting discharged the next morning, but we weren't sure if Waylon would be. But he had been making such great progress, that they let him stay in our room with us for 24 hours to see how he did. We finally had our little guy with us, but every few hours someone would come in the rom to either take my vitals or Waylon's, and Cameron and I felt like we weren't able to have that family bonding time. But Waylon did extremely well being in our room with us, and we took in every moment with him.

Saturday August 1st:
We pretty much knew we had the green light to take Waylon home with us, but they were still checking his vitals and making sure his breathing was ok. He passed the tests and both mine and Waylon's discharge papers were being worked on by 8 AM. By 10 AM we had my papers done and ready to go. But we had to wait another 2 hours for Waylon's. We signed his discharge papers and we were finally leaving the hospital with our sweet Waylon. It was such a relief to be home where we could finally be a family and not worry about being bombarded with nurses and doctors. It was a very long and tiring 4 days, but we are loving every minute of having our little guy with us.

Monday, July 27, 2015

Third Trimester

Well, this trimester has been the most exciting and the hardest! 

At the beginning I started to get the hip pain and a little heartburn, nothing too difficult. Then I hit 30 weeks and BAM! My left hip felt like it was out of place. Any time I took a step on my left leg, my hip would be in so much pain. I had a pretty sweet pregnant gangster lean and wobble for a few weeks. The pool on base finally opened up so I spent most of my days there. It really helped to take the weight off my hip and still get a workout in.

I think Waylon shifted sides or moved around, but one morning I woke up and the pain was gone! It was amazing! By that time I was 36 weeks and starting my weekly appointments.
I was going every Wednesday so I was 36.5 weeks when they started checking me for dilation. I was 30% effaced and dilated a finger tip. I was so excited to hear that I was effaced and dilated somewhat, cause I knew our little Waylon was on his way!
The next week (37.5 weeks) I was still 30% effaced and dilated to 1. I was a little discouraged to hear that I hadn't made much progress, especially since I was so sure he was going to come early. That Saturday we had some friends over for the 4th of July, and one of my friends was due just 3 days after me, so we got to talking about her progress and she was already 80% effaced and dilated to 1. I'll be honest, I was completely jealous and was wondering why my body wasn't progressing like hers. But I quickly put it behind me and focused on other things. 3 days later, that same friend had her baby. Yep, I cried. But, Cameron was so sweet and reminded me that we still had 2.5 weeks until our due date, and I felt much better.
At 38.5 weeks we went in for our check-up and I was only dilated to a 2 and I needed to be at a 2.5 for them to strip my membranes. The next day, I started having contractions that were 10 min apart but they wouldn't get any closer than that, and they had to be 5-7 min apart for the hospital to admit us. So I went to my doctor the next day and they stripped my membranes, and my contractions pretty much came to a screeching halt.
I remember my doctor telling me that they wouldn't let me go past 41 weeks, but I was so sure we wouldn't even get close to that, especially with how big Waylon was. So at my 39.5 week appointment I tried to schedule an induction date for July 25th, my due date, but they shut that down real quick. They wanted to avoid having to induce me at any cost, which is understandable. They said I was dilated to a 3 and 70% effaced, and they stripped my membranes again, and my doctor actually suggested using a breast pump a couple times a day for 15-20 min to help get labor going, and she said that we should have our baby boy here before the end of the week. 
So I diligently started using the breast pump. Between Thursday and Friday I lost my mucus plug and I was so sure Waylon was going to make his arrival soon. Saturday morning came and still no Waylon. We found out that our neighbor across the street, who was due 4 days after me, had their baby that morning. And again, I cried. I couldn't understand why Waylon was not here already. My Doctors told me at every appointment that my body was ready for delivery, so I couldn't understand what was happening.
I was slightly stressed out that we hadn't had Waylon yet because Cameron was scheduled to class-up for Prototype on Monday and he would have to work 12 hour days, and it would be a little difficult to get ahold of him if something were to happen.
Sunday morning, Cameron and I went to church, and I'm so grateful that we did, because the talks that were given led to motherhood somehow and it reawakened my drive, and to focus on the positive and not the negative. Yes I'm in pain, yes Waylon is past his due date, and 4 of my other friends that were due after me already had their babies. But, Waylon is healthy, and in a very short amount of time, he will be here. And I thought about one of my friends who had her baby 9 weeks early. She had posted that it was so bittersweet to have her baby so early because she loves that her baby is here and his health is progressing really well, but she never had her baby shower, she never got to take maternity pictures and doesn't have many pregnancy pictures, and she doesn't get to take her baby home yet and he's 2 weeks old. It was like eating a big fat piece of humble pie when I read that post, and I've had a much better attitude since then. 
Today we had a HUGE blessing! Cameron found out this morning that he is not classing up and will be on pre-fill for another 2 months, and he will be a Duty Driver again, which means he will only work 5 hours a day and he can have his phone on him and I can easily get a hold of him. We are now 2 days past our due date, and I think he will be another 2 days late because Cameron's dad's birthday is July 29th, and he said from the very beginning that this baby would be born on his birthday, and now I'm starting to think he's right haha.
I have another doctor's appointment tomorrow and I'm hoping they will schedule an induction date. I really hope Waylon decides to come before then, but either way, we should have our little man here by the end of the week :)

Monday, May 25, 2015

Baby Shower Weekend!

This weekend was very eventful and very exciting! Cameron and I have had a nice and relaxing week. We didn't have a whole lot of plans until this weekend. Friday morning we got up with a lot of energy and ran a few errands to prepare for my baby shower the next day. We got home and didn't have any plans for the rest of the day, so I decided I was going to touch up my highlights. While I was doing that, Cameron said he was going to meet up with a friend to go look at guns at a pawn shop. I get done with my highlights and I finish blow drying my hair and Cameron came home and said we had gotten a package. I was waiting for him to bring it inside, but he said that I had to go outside to see it, so I was thinking it was a really big package and was confused as to what it could be. I go outside, and didn't even notice that Cameron was recording. He told me the package was behind me and it was MY MOM!!! My parents had booked a ticket for my mom to come down for my baby shower!!! It was the best surprise ever!!! I instantly collapsed and started crying!
We decided to go out to eat that night at Andolini's for some yummy pizza.

Saturday was my baby shower! It was so much fun! We had a good turn out and I absolutely loved the decorations! My visiting teacher made a cute cake that was chocolate flavor, and decorated with blue icing, Waylon's name and sports gear :) We played a few games and I ended up winning one of them! We did a baby facts game, unscramble the words in a certain amount of time (which I won), and a word search in less than a minute. We got such cute and fun stuff for Waylon :) But what made my shower really amazing was that my mom got to be there. I was not expecting any family to be there, so it was very special to have my mom there.

After the shower we went to the beach! It was a lot of fun, but it was very windy. So we hung out there for a couple hours then we took my mom to Tattooed Moose for some yummy Duck Club sandwiches :) The rest of the night we relaxed at home cause we were pretty worn out from the day.

Sunday was a bittersweet day. We went to a couple stores to look at some baby stuff with my mom and ended up getting a high chair, a play center and a grooming kit for a smoking deal at Once Upon A Child. Then we took my mom to lunch and headed to the airport :( We weren't allowed to go through security with her, so we waited with her until she got through security and headed to her gate. This weekend was much needed, but it went by way too fast! I wish she could have stayed longer but her and my dad will be back when Waylon is born in 8 1/2 weeks or less! :)

Today is Memorial Day so Cameron and I decided to go get a few more baby things. We went to Target and got a car seat, a stroller and a couple baskets to store some of Waylon's stuff. After that we decided to go see the Avengers to celebrate our anniversary, which is in 2 days! :)